Fertile Mertile

I just logged into reader to find this post.

She was called Queen of the Vineyard. You know for being so whiny.

Dude, that person could of been talking about me. Because lately, I am whiny. And you, those who call and care to call and let me call. I am sorry I have been so whiny, I can’t help it, it’s a curse. Really though, I appreciate the whine because all of lately, my feelings have been kind of hurt.

If you’ve been reading here for any amount of time, you know I have issues. Big ones, in my brain, in my heart, with my life, with my family, with my friends. I also admit, I am the common factor, it’s me, something I am doing, attracting, getting, seeing, being. Whatever. I am the issue. Like some sticky factor that sucks in weirdness and drama.

I want out now so, all I can think to do is start drinking.

Seriously.

I don’t mean what you think I mean but maybe if you think about it, it will make sense to you too. Ever see someone who’s had one or two? Most of the time they’re perty happy. Weddings? People drink and they are happy. Jesus was happy and that guy made water to wine.

I am gonna start drinking. That’s the end of story.

Ok so I am partially kidding. A glass of wine now and then won’t hurt. But it’s not my new hobby or anything.

I am just really sick of being in this forever cycle of ups and downs. Never knowing where I am looking and where I was. If someone is well meaning or like everyone else, need the discount, the first lesson or whatever. I still really feel like I can’t tell who my real friends are and who, maybe are just the paparazzi. Who is there for gaper delay, watching as I roll over for the third time, like in the horrible highway accident and who, will be there when I need a ride home.

Do ya catch what I am throwing?

I’m busy this week. I have way a lot of graphic work to-do. I shouldn’t even be writing this but I have this fight screaming to get out. This helps me squelch it so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings but my own. Marty, I lied when I said I didn’t want to sacrafice my own feelings anymore… really I just can’t get out of my place at the bottom of the totem poll. I guess there is something to be said in starting the fire. Just once though, I’d like to feel the warmth of it’s flames.

I guess it’s time to leave it all behind. Maybe, I can bury it in a box.. I did that before. I can’t believe it’s already time to do it again.